By Steve Penner

"Money makes the world go round..." so goes that chipper tune from "Cabaret." But when it comes to long-term relationships, most studies show that arguments about money and finances rank as the major cause of divorce.

Yet when couples start dating, they rarely exchange views about financial issues and spending habits. It is a rare personal ad that states "Must have an IRA with at least $25,000 in it," or "I love to shop, let's meet at the mall!"

When we interviewed prospective members at my dating service, rarely did anyone express any financial preferences regarding someone they wanted to meet.

Men may find that difficult to believe, because many males still think that meeting a guy with a "fat wallet" is a top female priority. But with "today's women" that is far from true. Most of the single women I interviewed earned a decent income themselves and were not looking for men to support them.

Those few women who mentioned income as a priority tended to work in sales. After all, salespeople "keep score" of how well they are doing by keeping track of how much money they earn in commissions. So saleswomen would often say "I made (blank) last year, and I don't want to have to support a man, so he should earn at least that amount."

After dates, we usually heard only one complaint related to money, and it was a common one. Women love to label men as "cheap."

In an age when many women insist on equality between the sexes, the one area they tend to exclude centers on paying the check. "He was so cheap, he actually wanted to split the bill," was a comment I often heard from women who until that point had bragged how financially successful they were.

But unmarried women's attitude toward money, and especially saving money, appears to be quite different from that of single men. I spoke with many single women in their 20s to mid 30s who seemed to emulate "Sex in the City's" Carrie Bradshaw as their financial "guru," rather than famed money maven Suze Orman.

You may recall that Carrie was a successful newspaper columnist who earned a sufficiently sizeable income to live in Manhattan. (That was "back in the day" when newspaper columnists made a good income, unlike in today's Internet era.)

Carrie would think nothing of dropping hundreds (or perhaps I should say thousands) of dollars on a pair of Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo shoes or on a Fendi handbag. Yet in several episodes she indicated that she actually had very little money saved in the bank.

Likewise, I interviewed many women in that 25-35 year age range who walked in wearing expensive jewelry and designer clothes and carrying Louis Vuitton bags. When it came time to pay for their membership to my dating service, they would bring out two credit cards and ask me to try both, saying "I'm not sure which one of these still has credit on it."

It goes without saying that women love to shop. And professional women, earning a decent income, REALLY love to shop! Today, unmarried women are earning more money than ever, and they are spending it. Studies have shown that young women spend far more money on clothes, jewelry, accessories, vacations, and even real estate than men.

Of course men like to spend money too, especially on technology (computers, large-screen TVs, etc.) but much more frequently than women, they also like to save. (Obviously that is not true of all men.)

The real problem sets in when single men and women meet, date, and then get engaged. At that point most of their discussions center on purchasing an engagement ring and planning the wedding, a one-day event.

As a couple winds its way through an engagement, other topics soon arise, such as honeymoon plans. Eventually talk may turn to other relatively "trivial" issues such as where they will live or whether they want to have children. (That was sarcasm, folks.)

BUT rarely do engaged couples ever sit down and do any financial planning. Approach a 20-something couple in deep discussion about the print font on the wedding invitations or the flavor of icing on the wedding cake. Ask if they have done any long-range financial planning, and you will probably receive the same blank stare my son used to give me when I would ask him to take out the garbage while he was immersed in a video game.

But without that planning, a couple in which one person loves to shop while the other prefers to save is likely to wind up down the road as a divorce statistic.

What financial subjects should couples discuss? Here are just a few suggestions:
Whether they plan to pool their money or keep their finances separate.
The extent of outstanding college loans or other debts.
Which person will assume responsibility for paying the bills and preparing tax returns.
How much financial risk either person is willing to take, either in terms of investments or decisions about career moves.
And, of course, any couple even considering marriage these days should have the all-important "pre-nuptial agreement" conversation.

So, the next time you find yourself getting involved in what is beginning to look like a serious relationship, try not to focus all your attention on how hot you think he or she looks.

One evening you might want to cuddle up on the couch and whisper in your sweetie's ear, "So how does your 401(k) look these days?"

Steve Penner was the owner of the Boston-based dating service LunchDates for nearly 23 years and interviewed and listened to feedback from thousands of single men and women from all over New England. "The Truth About Dating" reflects insights and observations based upon his experience. Steve welcomes feedback at pennerst@hotmail.com or through his Web site at http://thetruthaboutdating.com.

Read the original article at Seacost.